Face to Face with the Ego
The strangest secret of self-control is that it shows us that we have at least 2 voices in our head. One seemingly knows better than the other, and one just wants to run a muck.
That less positive side of ourself, the self-centered, instinctual, self-preserving, lazy, pleasure-seeking part of us is often called the ego.
The magic of meditation is that when we sit down with the intention of focusing on our breath, calming our mind, and simply being for a few minutes, we come face to face with the Ego
The Ego’s Face
What’s a typical mediation experience like? With several years of meditation practice under my belt and having spoken to hundreds of people regarding their experiences, here is a common description:
“I sit down with the intention of just following my breath. I want to quiet my mind and just lower my overall energy and stress levels. With this goal of having a quiet mind for 10-20 minutes, I sit down and try to sit peacefully.
“Instead of experiencing a calm mind, I’m confronted with a river of thoughts, dreams, and fantasies: How long do I have to sit here? Is that timer even working? That guy at the store yesterday was a total prick; I should have said ‘this’ to him. I need to do more exercise. That girl at the gym seems really nice. I wonder what sort of car will make me look smart? When is the new iPhone coming out? I need to work harder, I’m too lazy… etc….etc…”
This is the face of the ego: it’s the automatic processes of our mind. And when we sit down to meditate, that voice often transforms from a quiet whisper in our ears to a blaring megaphone on a radio that can’t be shut off or dislodged from our heads.
It’s Always There
The issue here is not whether or not we are “good meditators.” The point is that this voice, the running narrative of our mind, is always there. It’s probably the single biggest influence in most of our lives. But it’s so close to home that we easily overlook it.
A formal meditation habit puts us face to face with this mechanism on a daily bases. Thus we stand a better chance to take control of our lives back into our own hands.
And It’s Persistent
Notably, this running narrative of thoughts and desires is not under our control. It’s automatic. And it’s relentless. Most of the time we don’t give-in to it’s passing desires. But since it is so constant, it’s always there when our defenses go down, ready to take the reigns. This automatic thinking is the basis for our autopilot system. And autopilot is the opposite of living a mindful, self-directed life.
Furthermore, self-control requires mental resources. The more will-power we use, the less we have for later. Psychological researchers have found that when people are forced to strain themselves through difficult mental tasks such as mental math, puzzle solving, or intense focus on dense information, this reduces their ability to resist temptation immediately after completing these difficult tasks.
Self-Control is Key: So Get in The Game
Like a muscle, self control and will power can be strengthened through practice. At the same time, they get tired with use. So it’s harder to stick to our game plans after a long day’s work.
Becoming the best version of ourselves requires mindful direction which, practically speaking, means a more refined relationship to our egos. That’s why The Game is such a powerful tool for transforming our lives. It brings the nature of this constant struggle into our awareness so that we have a better chance to win (that is, a better chance to direct our lives to places that matter to our higher self rather than the ego).
Start with Awareness
Knowing the ego exists, and recognizing how it influences our decisions marks a major revolution of consciousness in our lives. The ego has been there since before we can remember. It was part of our operating system before our conscious mind emerged into existence. So taking that huge step of noticing the ego, catching it in the moment that it pops up to direct us, can be the beginning of a new stage of development in our lives.
Just noticing the ego’s influence can sometimes be enough to stem the tide. When we feel an egoic urge, it’s much easier to take note of it and then let it go once we see where it’s coming from. This alone can be enough for many of us to take the necessary action towards the better version of ourselves.
Catching the Ego Red-Handed: Resistance
We often see the ego thrashing it’s head whenever we set out to do the work to become better people. Ego resists change. So it’s easy to catch its influence whenever we sit down to work on a creative project, or do a homework assignment, or clean the kitchen, or set the timer for a 20 minute meditation.
The more we look, the more we notice that ego has been pervasive throughout much of our lives. So meditation is really a practice where we look in the mirror and start to observe what’s going on in our heads. Meditation is an arena for us to come face to face with the biggest obstacle that could ever help or hinder our progress in life: ourselves.
Actionable Takeaway
Step 1:
If you’re not in The Game, then get in it already. This is the Game of life, of mindfulness, and of becoming our best selves. If you’re not in it, then the ego’s winning which means you are not.
Step 2:
Experiment with a formal mediation practice. This single habit has been proven to transform lives for the better for over thousands of years. It’s one of the oldest continual practices on Earth. And the benefits our numerous and backed by loads of scientific research (Including combatting degenerative effects that aging causes to our DNA: check out The Great Courses: The Science of Mindfulness).
Step 3:
Notice how ego, that voice in your head, influences you throughout the day. It’s not only there during a formal meditation; it’s there distracting you from work or school or exercise or reading. It’s that craving for a drink or a smoke. It wants more cake and it doesn’t like to do any more work than it has to. So basically it’s an anchor holding you back, one that we all have. If you can understand how it works, you’ll have a huge advantage compared to anyone who hasn’t yet noticed this phenomenon.
The Next Level
So it’s time to take things to the next level. Wherever we are, there’s room to grow and improve. This is the best part of life. There is no end and the process is fun and rewarding if you play it right. Get in The Game and enjoy the ride.
Mostly, never quit learning.
Share your experiences with ego down below: when do you notice it popping up? What are some effective techniques you’ve found for battling this beast back down?
