How You are Like this Owl

Before we get too far, check out this excellent clip of the Northern White-Faced Owl.

People can be a lot like that. Depending on who we’re facing, we mold our image and keep it directed at them as they move around us. We try to show particular aspects of our character, consciously or not. At different times with different people we might prefer to seem confident, or cute, or smart, or tough, or funny, or mean, or interesting, or capable, or even inept (ever want your boss to think you weren’t up for the challenge so that they might pass it off to “more capable” hands?)

Such behavior is actually part of our instinctual make-up. And there are good reasons for this. Throughout evolutionary history, people who successfully managed their impressions that others have of them have faired much better.

At different times in our lives, it can even feel awkward when we’re put between two people, each of whom we tend to show a different side of us. -> Ever run into an old friend while on a first date?

Impression Management

In the field of psychology, this behavior even has a formal name, and the strategies people employ vary widely. A few examples may include putting our best foot forward for an interview, carefully selecting an outfit for a specific occasion, or even the way we curate our Facebook, linkedin, and twitter pages.

Some people do monitor impressions more consciously than others. But because we can also do this at a subconscious level, it’s also pretty easy to overlook. Simply being aware that this takes place can help us navigate any number of social situations more smoothly.

Example: The “Seattle No”

Have you heard of the “Seattle No?”

People from the east coast of the Sates have a reputation for being more direct than those from the west. So when east coasters make their way to Seattle they often find it annoying how people tend not to confirm a “no” when declining an invitation. Instead they respond by passively pushing off the decision with something along the lines of “I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”

At the heart of the “Seattle No” is the desire to not come across as rude but still decline the invitation. An observant recipient of this will gracefully allow the other to back out, which helps both parties save face.

Do I Really Do This?

Yes, we’re all guilty. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just important to be aware that it does happen so that you don’t let it go to your head. When taken to the extreme, it can become narcissistic manipulation, and ya, that’s bad.

But generally speaking, it’s natural that we show a different flavor of our personalities to our best friends, our partners, son/daughter, grandparents, boss, the in-laws or complete strangers. It’s just part of integrating into society. We have many aspects of our personality and they are not all appropriate for all situations.

And people, by and large, appreciate it. It’s part of the Platinum Rule. What is that you ask? Well, if the Golden Rule is to treat others as you would like to be treated, the Platinum rule is to treat others as they would like to be treated.

Some people enjoy dirty jokes, or hearing about the critical climax of a movie that they haven’t seen yet. But some people don’t. So over time, we all eventually find ourselves on one side of the coin or the other: sometimes we act in ways that are unaware and at other times we wish people were are little more tuned-in to our preferences. Selecting conversation topics or the type of humor that is appropriate at any given moment is all part of impression management. And the ability to match

Key Takeaways

We all have different diverse, subtle, and intricate colors in our personality. If we are to smoothly navigate the various social circles in which we mingle, then this requires tact and mindfulness to know which part of us to bring forward in any situation.

Furthermore, people are doing this all the time, so often that it often gets overlooked. But keeping this in our awareness can be like pulling a curtain back from the mechanics of social dynamics. We can become aware of the nuances of conversations and this allows us to better understand what people are really getting at. Tuning-in to the more sublet aspects of conversations can help us handle various situations in our life with grace and tact. And that’s something everyone can appreciate.

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